Caregiver’s Journal
One the very helpful things that a family caregiver can do for herself or himself is keep a daily journal . Teenagers are not the only one’s who benefit from diaries. When you are taking care of an older family member, a daily journal is a plus in many ways.
You can unload your frustrations and anxieties in a safe place- on a piece of paper. This helps you to remain the peanut butter and not the jelly- spilling all over the caregiver sandwich.. That oozing jelly can get on the person you care for. Anger and frustration have a place in caregiving- it is a terribly tough job. But a journal is a strong repository for all those miserable feelings - keeping them contained like a plain peanut butter sandwich.
You can also keep a daily record of changes in the health older person you a care for. Don’t trust your memory. If a rash starts , then spreads the next day then goes away but shows up the following week in the same pattern this is a good thing to note.
If the person you are caring for has a dry cough that persists over time note it in the journal each day. Don’t trust your recall later. Caregiver’s are too overwhelmed to track everything.
When you go to your physicians appointment you only have ten minutes with the Dr now. Journals help you to use that short shot of the physician’s time wisely. If you have kept a journal daily you can sum up what you need to tell the doctor during those precious minutes . This will equal better use of the brief appointment and better care for the one you love.
One more thing
Put the Journal in the car the night before . Getting the older relative ready to go out in the vehicle plus remembering all the other things you have to do before the appointment -can leave the journal behind. A stitch in time saves nine.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
Forgiveness on Mother's Day
“ I haven’t spoken to my mother in twenty-eighty years’ a woman told me yesterday after I spoke to a local Rotary club about using Forgiveness as the family gathers for mother’s day this coming Sunday.
She said that loudly behind my back as I was talking to others after the presentation. I turned and she was gone. Another kindly gentleman, who looked to be in his late eighties shared that his adult children were tangled in old arguments and it just broke his heart. Another man proudly told me he had completely planned for his future aging disabilities, no matter who did not get along with who in his family.
The aging family is unique in the spectrum of families in that death inks the sky above it like a thunder cloud. It is a constant drama set on a stage where the characters, the aging Mom’s and Dad’s, adult children are miserably threatened with the play closing if they do not get to the denouement quickly and reach forgiveness.
The clock running raises the stakes to resolve old wounds quickly- brothers and sisters you have been ticked off at forever, Mother’s who squirted out nurturing like a tube of empty tooth paste. Before the reaper takes aging Mom and Dad,s the main characters,consider forgivenss
Take this mother’s day to count your blessing and the scarred notches on your belt for wrongs done.
Like Stanford’s ,Dr. Fred Luskin says in his wise book “ Forgive for Good” , let the planes land . If you have a story you tell over and over again about how Dad never came to your little league games because he worked too much, a brother who bullied you and got to go to college when your parents made you take out students loans you still have to pay- you may have a grievance story.
The tale is an airplane flying endless around in your head taking up so much space , you can’t forgive. Move into the here and now and get that fresh start with parents who may soon die or siblings you rarely talk to - who may be glistening treasure and potential best friend s for the rest of your life.
The Dali Lama said of the Chinese, while speaking of absolution . “Sometimes I feel grateful to the Chinese Communists,ultimately, they created this opportunity.” That opportunity was to speak of forgiveness. That wisdom from one of our planet’s holiest fellows, could rub off on you on mother’s day. Consider maybe the greatest mother’s day gift might be, letting those planes land in your head
She said that loudly behind my back as I was talking to others after the presentation. I turned and she was gone. Another kindly gentleman, who looked to be in his late eighties shared that his adult children were tangled in old arguments and it just broke his heart. Another man proudly told me he had completely planned for his future aging disabilities, no matter who did not get along with who in his family.
The aging family is unique in the spectrum of families in that death inks the sky above it like a thunder cloud. It is a constant drama set on a stage where the characters, the aging Mom’s and Dad’s, adult children are miserably threatened with the play closing if they do not get to the denouement quickly and reach forgiveness.
The clock running raises the stakes to resolve old wounds quickly- brothers and sisters you have been ticked off at forever, Mother’s who squirted out nurturing like a tube of empty tooth paste. Before the reaper takes aging Mom and Dad,s the main characters,consider forgivenss
Take this mother’s day to count your blessing and the scarred notches on your belt for wrongs done.
Like Stanford’s ,Dr. Fred Luskin says in his wise book “ Forgive for Good” , let the planes land . If you have a story you tell over and over again about how Dad never came to your little league games because he worked too much, a brother who bullied you and got to go to college when your parents made you take out students loans you still have to pay- you may have a grievance story.
The tale is an airplane flying endless around in your head taking up so much space , you can’t forgive. Move into the here and now and get that fresh start with parents who may soon die or siblings you rarely talk to - who may be glistening treasure and potential best friend s for the rest of your life.
The Dali Lama said of the Chinese, while speaking of absolution . “Sometimes I feel grateful to the Chinese Communists,ultimately, they created this opportunity.” That opportunity was to speak of forgiveness. That wisdom from one of our planet’s holiest fellows, could rub off on you on mother’s day. Consider maybe the greatest mother’s day gift might be, letting those planes land in your head
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Mother's Day in the Aging Family- Tips for Gifts
Mother’s Day is coming up on May 10. One of those ritual holidays that aging families can really celebrate - here’s what you do can make Mom feel extra special. These ceremonial holidays can mean so much more when parents are older.
Bringing the grandchildren into the celebration is a lovely gift in itself .
Handmade cards from grandkids is a top drawer present. . You can have the young artists mail their colorful greetings or think of giving Mom a My Celery My Celery to deliver the message. This is an easy 2 way computer free e-mail where the grandchildren can e mail grandma a greeting for mothers day- or any day they want. It just comes out of a fax in Grandma’s home and works with any fax she may already have.
Another wonderful product is Presto, a printing mailbox that prints e-mails and attachments. You can scan your 4 year olds terrific cards (kids art is the greatest) and e mail Grandma as an attachment . Preso - the card comes out of a fax you either buy her a gift for mother’s day or she has one already.
You could all make a big sign to tack somewhere in Mom’s home saying “Happy Mother’s Day.” A homemade gift is really a bonus for grandma or Mom . In economic times like these, handcrafted gifts are penny wise. On top of not being pound foolish , grandmothers probably like the care a handcrafted gift just radiates.
If your kids or you are arty make a mobile for Mom /grandmom. Attach cutouts of items she loves most like her cat, photos of the grandkids or her favorite food.( mine would be chocolate covered cherries.)
Give coffee cups with grandchildren’s pictures on them, you can order from Kodak or Snapfish. When they were little, my daughter made simple prints of my grandchildren’s hands and framed them with an inexpensive frame.
Technology is a savvy gift to give for mom or Grandmother. CEIVA® Digital Photo Frame is a digital photo frame that is connected to a telephone or DSL line. It can be placed in Mom’s residence. Long-distance family members, or even local family members, can upload photos to the frame at any time from their own computers if they subscribe to the PicturePlan® service. Your mom can wake up to different family photos every day, and relatives from all over can send them as well.
Here is a brilliant idea from Julie Menack’s chapter on long-distance care providers, in my new book Care Managers and the Aging Family (Jones and Bartlett), 2008. If you are long-distance caregiver and cannot visit on holidays, Barbara Friesner of AgeWise Living suggests that that you might want to send a holiday in a box.
This is a fun way to share the holidays, particularly if the care recipient resides in assisted living or a nursing home. All ages in the family can participate in communicating with your mom through the contents of the box.. A mother’s day package might include a sign saying “Happy Mother’s Day” that you or your family make or buy. It could include candy if your mom can eat that—maybe her favorite kind.
If you can’t send flowers, include silk or plastic flowers in the mother's day box. Have the grandchildren make an old-fashioned wrist corsage out of paper flowers. Call the facility and ask if you can get gift certificate for her to get her hair done. Find out if they are having a brunch to celebrate Mother’s Day, and make sure your mom can attend. Buy her a new dress for the event and put it in the package. Have your children or grandchildren make individual handmade cards.
Set up a time for a phone call that is good for both of you. If possible, call in the morning or early evening when your mom may be feeling lonely. And, of course, make sure everything arrives well in advance.
Warning Signs on Mother’s Day
If you can go and see Mom in person on Mother’s Day, you can check up on your aging mother’s safety while you are there. Sometimes, during your visits, you may hear alarm bells, like piles of junk mail or consistently dirty clothes. Below is a list to take with you when you go to Mom’s house on Mother’s Day, or any holiday. If you do find worrisome signs, this is a good time to call a geriatric care manager to assess your mother. To find a great GCM go to National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers.
Clutter in the house
Unpaid bills
Evidence of missed appointments, getting lost, or wandering
Weight loss
Poor grooming
Have a happy Mother’s Day!
Bringing the grandchildren into the celebration is a lovely gift in itself .
Handmade cards from grandkids is a top drawer present. . You can have the young artists mail their colorful greetings or think of giving Mom a My Celery My Celery to deliver the message. This is an easy 2 way computer free e-mail where the grandchildren can e mail grandma a greeting for mothers day- or any day they want. It just comes out of a fax in Grandma’s home and works with any fax she may already have.
Another wonderful product is Presto, a printing mailbox that prints e-mails and attachments. You can scan your 4 year olds terrific cards (kids art is the greatest) and e mail Grandma as an attachment . Preso - the card comes out of a fax you either buy her a gift for mother’s day or she has one already.
You could all make a big sign to tack somewhere in Mom’s home saying “Happy Mother’s Day.” A homemade gift is really a bonus for grandma or Mom . In economic times like these, handcrafted gifts are penny wise. On top of not being pound foolish , grandmothers probably like the care a handcrafted gift just radiates.
If your kids or you are arty make a mobile for Mom /grandmom. Attach cutouts of items she loves most like her cat, photos of the grandkids or her favorite food.( mine would be chocolate covered cherries.)
Give coffee cups with grandchildren’s pictures on them, you can order from Kodak or Snapfish. When they were little, my daughter made simple prints of my grandchildren’s hands and framed them with an inexpensive frame.
Technology is a savvy gift to give for mom or Grandmother. CEIVA® Digital Photo Frame is a digital photo frame that is connected to a telephone or DSL line. It can be placed in Mom’s residence. Long-distance family members, or even local family members, can upload photos to the frame at any time from their own computers if they subscribe to the PicturePlan® service. Your mom can wake up to different family photos every day, and relatives from all over can send them as well.
Here is a brilliant idea from Julie Menack’s chapter on long-distance care providers, in my new book Care Managers and the Aging Family (Jones and Bartlett), 2008. If you are long-distance caregiver and cannot visit on holidays, Barbara Friesner of AgeWise Living suggests that that you might want to send a holiday in a box.
This is a fun way to share the holidays, particularly if the care recipient resides in assisted living or a nursing home. All ages in the family can participate in communicating with your mom through the contents of the box.. A mother’s day package might include a sign saying “Happy Mother’s Day” that you or your family make or buy. It could include candy if your mom can eat that—maybe her favorite kind.
If you can’t send flowers, include silk or plastic flowers in the mother's day box. Have the grandchildren make an old-fashioned wrist corsage out of paper flowers. Call the facility and ask if you can get gift certificate for her to get her hair done. Find out if they are having a brunch to celebrate Mother’s Day, and make sure your mom can attend. Buy her a new dress for the event and put it in the package. Have your children or grandchildren make individual handmade cards.
Set up a time for a phone call that is good for both of you. If possible, call in the morning or early evening when your mom may be feeling lonely. And, of course, make sure everything arrives well in advance.
Warning Signs on Mother’s Day
If you can go and see Mom in person on Mother’s Day, you can check up on your aging mother’s safety while you are there. Sometimes, during your visits, you may hear alarm bells, like piles of junk mail or consistently dirty clothes. Below is a list to take with you when you go to Mom’s house on Mother’s Day, or any holiday. If you do find worrisome signs, this is a good time to call a geriatric care manager to assess your mother. To find a great GCM go to National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers.
Clutter in the house
Unpaid bills
Evidence of missed appointments, getting lost, or wandering
Weight loss
Poor grooming
Have a happy Mother’s Day!
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